doing what we really want to do
The other day I was working at my desk and had a nice big stretch. Arms in the air, back arched I scratched under my arm. That's weird… that feels like a lump. I felt under my other arm and guess what. No lump. I felt under the first arm and guess what… yes, a lump; right on my lymph node. Naturally my mind immediately went to cancer. Oh my god, I have cancer. Words no person ever wants to mutter. It was around eleven o'clock. There was nothing I could do about it but, research the internet. Twenty minutes later I was convinced I have lymphoma and there was not chance of surviving this. I laid in bed all night, sleepless, coming to terms with the end. The timing was really crappy. Things are going so well. I have so much left to do. Then I thought about what this would entail; the side effects of all the meds, the time consuming doctor visits, hair loss, the invasive surgery, just to bargain for a few months of precious life. I have a complete new respect and empathy for people whom battle cancer. Because that is what it is and it is likely a battle that cannot be won. It takes a lot of work and even more hope. I asked myself, if this is truly my demise, am I doing exactly what I want to. What would I change?
The next day I visited the doctor. He examined it, drew blood and was reassuring. A few days later the results of the blood test came back and everything appears pretty normal. We are going to keep an eye on it and see what happens with me and my lump.
The truth is, we all are heading to the same end. Nobody escapes it. No matter how much money you make, how much power you have, celebrity or not or who you know. For instance Steve Jobs. Our mortality is the common thread that connects us all. It is what makes us human. What counts is what we do with the time we have here. I have promised myself that I will:
• Take more emotional risks
• Take time to celebrate everyday as a gift
• Watch more sunrises
• Spend more time outside
• Make an effort to make the lives of people around me better
• Be completely honest with myself and others
• Breathe deeply
• Smile more
• Laugh more
• Give more
I can keep going but, you get the idea.
Today imagine you have only a month to live. Decide if what you are doing in this very moment is the thing you want to do, if you have surrounded yourself with the people you want to be around or whatever. Start making a list and then live by it like there is no tomorrow.
Have an excellent day.
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